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Bog Standard

Toilet humor has traditionally served as the reliable retreat for daily publications, and publications remain attentive to significant toilet tales and key events, notably connected to soccer. What a delight it was to learn that Big Website columnist a famous broadcaster owns a West Bromwich Albion-inspired toilet within his residence. Consider the situation about the Tykes follower who interpreted the restroom rather too directly, and was rescued from the vacant Barnsley ground after falling asleep on the loo at half-time during a 2015 defeat against Fleetwood Town. “He had no shoes on and misplaced his cellphone and his headwear,” explained a Barnsley fire station spokesperson. And who can forget when, at the height of his fame playing for City, the controversial forward popped into a local college to use the facilities during 2012. “He left his Bentley parked outside, before entering and requesting where the toilets were, then he went to the teachers’ staff room,” an undergraduate shared with local Manchester media. “After that he was just walking around the college grounds as if he owned it.”

The Toilet Resignation

Tuesday represents 25 years since Kevin Keegan stepped down as England manager post a quick discussion inside a lavatory booth with FA director David Davies in the bowels of Wembley, after the notorious 1-0 loss versus Germany during 2000 – the Three Lions' last game at the legendary venue. As Davies remembers in his diary, his confidential FA records, he stepped into the wet troubled England locker room immediately after the match, seeing David Beckham weeping and Tony Adams energized, both players begging for the suit to bring Keegan to his senses. After Dietmar Hamann's set-piece, Keegan walked slowly through the tunnel with a thousand-yard stare, and Davies located him seated – similar to his Anfield posture in 1996 – in the corner of the dressing room, saying quietly: “I'm done. I can't handle this.” Collaring Keegan, Davies worked frantically to save the circumstance.

“What place could we identify [for a chat] that was private?” recalled Davies. “The passageway? Swarming with media. The dressing room? Heaving with emotional players. The bath area? I couldn’t hold a vital conversation with an England manager as players dived into the water. Merely one possibility emerged. The restroom stalls. A dramatic moment in England’s long football history occurred in the ancient loos of an arena marked for removal. The coming demolition was almost tangible. Pulling Kevin into a stall, I shut the door behind us. We remained standing, looking at each other. ‘You can’t change my mind,’ Kevin said. ‘I’m out of here. I’m not up to it. I’m going out to the press to tell them I’m not up to it. I'm unable to energize the team. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Aftermath

Consequently, Keegan quit, later admitting that he had found his period as Three Lions boss “without spirit”. The two-time Ballon d’Or winner added: “I had difficulty passing the hours. I ended up coaching the blind squad, the deaf team, working with the ladies team. It's an extremely challenging position.” English football has come a long way in the quarter of a century since. For better or worse, those Wembley toilets and those two towers have long disappeared, whereas a German currently occupies in the coaching zone Keegan formerly inhabited. Thomas Tuchel’s side are among the favourites for the upcoming Geopolitics World Cup: England fans, don’t take this era for granted. This particular anniversary from one of the Three Lions’ darkest days serves as a recall that situations weren't always this good.

Live Updates

Tune in with Luke McLaughlin at 8pm British Summer Time for women's football cup news concerning Arsenal's match against Lyon.

Quote of the Day

“There we stood in a long row, in just our underwear. We represented Europe's top officials, premier athletes, inspirations, grown-ups, parents, determined individuals with great integrity … but no one said anything. We barely looked at each other, our looks wavered slightly nervously when we were requested to advance in couples. There Collina inspected us completely with a chilly look. Mute and attentive” – former international referee Jonas Eriksson discloses the embarrassing processes officials were once put through by previous European football refereeing head Pierluigi Collina.

Football Daily Letters

“What does a name matter? There’s a poem by Dr Seuss called ‘Too Many Daves’. Have Blackpool suffered from Too Many Steves? Steve Bruce, plus assistants Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been removed from their positions. Is this the termination of the Steve fascination? Not quite! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie remain to take care of the first team. Total Steve progression!” – John Myles

“Since you've opened the budget and provided some branded items, I've opted to write and share a brief observation. Postecoglou mentions he initiated altercations on the school grounds with children he knew would beat him up. This masochistic tendency must account for his decision to join Nottingham Forest. As a lifelong Spurs supporter I will always be grateful for the second-season trophy but the only second-season trophy I can see him winning by the Trent, if he lasts that long, is the second tier and that would be a significant battle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|